Why Is The World Such A Cruel Place?

So, not fun times.

My dog, Toby, just had a surgery for his busted knee tendons and I can't look think about him without crying. I don't know why. I just do. I can't stand how he looks so sad. And he's going to be in a cast like this for 6 months.

So last night, after I had just had to let him outside because I didn't know when Mom and Sarah were going to be home and he'd been in the crate all day. Afterwards, I call them and they actually answer. Dear ol' sis asks why I sound so upset. I respond that I'm crying because of the dog. She doesn't get it. But, unlike MY OWN MOTHER, she doesn't laugh at me, she instead grins and calls me really pathetic. They'll be home in 5 minutes.

So Grandma, who was how I got home, leaves, knowing I'll be okay to be home alone for five minutes until they get back.

When they get home they scold me for crying and call me useless and pathetic a few more times. I feel like crying all over again so I go to my room and call Tom, because Tori and I are having a fight.

now, I'm not sure if any of you can get the bond that me and Tori have. We're soulmates minus the romance. We're best friends. We're brain twins. And now she has these two new close friends, Lucas and Sara--Lurah. The way she talks about them, and the fact that Sara is so like me, I'm feeling replaced. Which is not good, because I have abandonment issues. So I stew with it for a while, and when I tell Tori about it, whom I expect to understand and make me feel better and assure me it's not true and everything she does when I'm feeling down about anything, but no. She tells me because she doesn't know why I feel this way (hmmm, I THINK IT'S BECAUSE YOU ACT LIEK HE'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME, THAT YOU LOVE HIM MORE), she can't do anything about it. And that's the end of the story. She acts as if she doesn't CARE. I can see why Tom left all of them. The closest thing I can think of to describe it is:

Emma, if Katie had found someone and was becoming closer to that person than you, and used your inside jokes with them, and was generally REPLACING you, and then when you told her how it made you feel, she just didn't care, what would you do? That's kind've what I'm going through.

So then, today. Dad is telling me that because he's giving me rides everywhere (which he isn't, grandma is) that I have to clean the kitchen, put away the groceries, get ready etc. I say that's fine, I'll get to it right away. Then he tells me I have to let Toby outside. I explain to him how that turns me into as mother implied "a useless pathetic crying ball." He starts getting really mad that I'm not pulling my weight and everyone else is trying and how I have to tough it out and he doesn't care if I'm a crying useless ball. Then he leaves to catch his bus because he's going to be late.

I mean, really? I'm doing all the chores? Can't SARAH let the dog out and carry him around until he goes?

We all thought that once he got a job he'd do better. Be Daddy again. Stop being so angry all the time. But now that he has a job, no, two jobs, he's worse of a bastard than he ever was before.

I really just can't handle anything anymore. Too much is going on at once. I can't wait until the great big party that will be tonight starts so I can have some sort of fun.