What is it about snow that's so fascinating? I've been thinking about this since our snow day last week and I think I know why snow is so different from other weather.
It makes things stop.
Snow itself is in a still state. It just sits there, doing nothing, until it gets warm enough to melt. And it is beautiful when it is doing nothing.
So it makes us do the same thing. School gets canceled. People stay inside. People spend time with their family instead of rushing around.
Rain moves around. It comes down from the sky and runs down the street and gets everything wet and droopy.
The sun makes things grow. It shines down and people want to go outside and run around and see the plants get bigger. The sun gives people energy.
But snow comes down and stays. It doesn't move into gutters. It freezes things. It puts them in a still state of being.
Just like it puts humans in a more still state of being.
We're usually so busy rushing around that we don't notice things. We notice snow because it isn't busy rushing around anywhere. It sits.
And when we go outside in it, we have to slow down and stop because otherwise we'll fall. When we're warm inside and we pass by a window, we stop because we're breathtaken by the beauty. We avoid venturing outside because it is too dangerous. So we cancel plans, we stay indoors, and we stop.
The power of a little snow.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A Link To More Muses, Somewhat More Successful Ones
I found the wordpress of mine before I revamped this ol' blog. Why did I switch from Wordpress to Blogger? I don't really know. Maybe I just like my familiar.
http://whilemalfoywatches.wordpress.com/
http://whilemalfoywatches.wordpress.com/
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Negativity Can Ruin A Good Day
The world is too depressing of a place. I don't understand it sometimes.
All the posts I'm running into on facebook are talking about crappy schedules or annoying people or they're generally apathetic. My least favorite is "...mr. jolly is so cool but i really really hate the fact im stuck with all the punk ass shithead juniors in my math class. this is of course excluding certain people. but still, why are we stuck with such irritating people. we might ...actually need a seating chart cuz people are so fucking stupid."
Everyone focuses on all the negative things of the day. There are SO MANY great things to be excited about but people take them all for granted.
For example, things I was excited about today:
1. First day of senior year
2. Internships
3. It was sunny when I got out of school
4. My classes are a lot of fun and I get to see my friends every day now
5. My new bed is extremely comfortable
6. Mac n cheese for dinner
7. Getting mail
The list goes on.
I should have stopped and chatted with the person who made the status quoted above and pointed out all the good things that happened to them today when they were still online, but I didn't think of it then. I also didn't want to focus on it. Facebook had nothing to say but the negative points of the day, it was pouring down rain outside, and the world seemed too depressing in that moment to be worth my time.
One of these days I'll figure out that it's probably a flaw, but I like to focus on the positives of life. I try to skip over the little things that go wrong because fretting over it will just make me upset. Now, sometimes people have every right to be negative and upset and express it and I'm not saying everyone should ignore their negative emotions. Sometimes they just need to be expressed. I was definitely complaining today that our vice principal, Mr. Semana, was too stupid to understand that I am not supposed to be in Spanish 4.
But it's words like that that make general statements and lead to alienation of opposing views. Semana isn't a stupid person. He's quite smart to figure out and balance everyone's schedule to the best of his ability. The problem came about because he was stressed out and trying to decipher who needed schedules changed because of missing credits, and who just wanted a different class. I wasn't missing credits, so he figured I was okay. He rushed and didn't read the paperwork I had given the secretary all the way. He didn't look at my transcript and saw that I didn't even complete Spanish 1 last year. He was rushing because he was stressed because everyone wanted to change their schedules right away.
And after emailing him my reasons for needing a change, an email he took the time to read, he was all too happy to give me a TA period instead of a Spanish class and save me the embarrassment of being the only senior in Spanish 1.
So try to keep a positive look on life and appreciate the little things. You can express yourself when you're upset, but try to keep an open mind and see why someone is really acting the way they are. If they're labeled as "stupid" or "punkass shitheads" it won't solve any problems.
Here's hoping you're having a good day.
All the posts I'm running into on facebook are talking about crappy schedules or annoying people or they're generally apathetic. My least favorite is "...mr. jolly is so cool but i really really hate the fact im stuck with all the punk ass shithead juniors in my math class. this is of course excluding certain people. but still, why are we stuck with such irritating people. we might ...actually need a seating chart cuz people are so fucking stupid."
Everyone focuses on all the negative things of the day. There are SO MANY great things to be excited about but people take them all for granted.
For example, things I was excited about today:
1. First day of senior year
2. Internships
3. It was sunny when I got out of school
4. My classes are a lot of fun and I get to see my friends every day now
5. My new bed is extremely comfortable
6. Mac n cheese for dinner
7. Getting mail
The list goes on.
I should have stopped and chatted with the person who made the status quoted above and pointed out all the good things that happened to them today when they were still online, but I didn't think of it then. I also didn't want to focus on it. Facebook had nothing to say but the negative points of the day, it was pouring down rain outside, and the world seemed too depressing in that moment to be worth my time.
One of these days I'll figure out that it's probably a flaw, but I like to focus on the positives of life. I try to skip over the little things that go wrong because fretting over it will just make me upset. Now, sometimes people have every right to be negative and upset and express it and I'm not saying everyone should ignore their negative emotions. Sometimes they just need to be expressed. I was definitely complaining today that our vice principal, Mr. Semana, was too stupid to understand that I am not supposed to be in Spanish 4.
But it's words like that that make general statements and lead to alienation of opposing views. Semana isn't a stupid person. He's quite smart to figure out and balance everyone's schedule to the best of his ability. The problem came about because he was stressed out and trying to decipher who needed schedules changed because of missing credits, and who just wanted a different class. I wasn't missing credits, so he figured I was okay. He rushed and didn't read the paperwork I had given the secretary all the way. He didn't look at my transcript and saw that I didn't even complete Spanish 1 last year. He was rushing because he was stressed because everyone wanted to change their schedules right away.
And after emailing him my reasons for needing a change, an email he took the time to read, he was all too happy to give me a TA period instead of a Spanish class and save me the embarrassment of being the only senior in Spanish 1.
So try to keep a positive look on life and appreciate the little things. You can express yourself when you're upset, but try to keep an open mind and see why someone is really acting the way they are. If they're labeled as "stupid" or "punkass shitheads" it won't solve any problems.
Here's hoping you're having a good day.
First Days
Today was the first day of senior year. Also known as my last first day of high school. Mom used this logic as an excuse to buy me ice cream because it was her last chance to do so on the first day of school.
Overall it was a good day. My classes seem like they'll be a lot of fun and I have a lot of them with my friends. I'll definitely have more work to do. Plus this year I know a lot more people at my school so it's less intimidating.
Even our principal said this was our year because we're the first graduating class of Health and Science and it's going to be great. We are the shit and have tons of new staff that are just dedicated to helping us out and getting us internships and all sorts of wonderful stuff.
So I'm pretty psyched.
Overall it was a good day. My classes seem like they'll be a lot of fun and I have a lot of them with my friends. I'll definitely have more work to do. Plus this year I know a lot more people at my school so it's less intimidating.
Even our principal said this was our year because we're the first graduating class of Health and Science and it's going to be great. We are the shit and have tons of new staff that are just dedicated to helping us out and getting us internships and all sorts of wonderful stuff.
So I'm pretty psyched.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Hello Again
Today was a self-proclaimed "lazy day." The plan was to go to Safari Sam's with a group of people, but enough of them bailed that Sarah, Colin, and I decided to reschedule. I think I'm the only one that realizes that we probably won't have time in the two weeks before our carefree summer days are over and school begins.
So I ignored my mother's insistence that I must get dressed and laid in bed, watching movies off of Netflix that I wouldn't have had the time to enjoy normally. I found a new favorite too. It's called "Love and Other Disasters" and it's a brilliant, quirky love story. Well it isn't A love story, it's more like four of them. This girl and all her friends in London. Like I said, brilliant.
At some point during "The Edge of Love" with Keira Knightley, I fell asleep. Woke up super tired to my mom asking me if I'd go on a bike ride in the park while she trained the dogs. She went on without me, While I spent too much time getting dressed.
They were right, it is quite a lot of fun to go bike-riding. I'll have to work at it, to be able to go any sort of distance whatsoever, but it will be worth it. I'm so very glad I learned, even if it was at the late age of 17 and under Colin's insistence.
I can hardly believe I cried over a bike when I was learning. I was so frustrated and angry at this piece of metal, and Colin wasn't helping very much by being all calm and zen and encouraging. It sounds like his demeanor would have helped keep me calmer, but at the time it just pissed me off.
It was around the point where I think he noticed that I hadn't said a word in 15 minutes (that's how you can tell when I get really angry, I'll glare, smile, and get really, really quiet) and wouldn't bring my eyes up from the handlebars. I kept going at it though, no matter how much I stumbled, I kept getting back on it. Sometimes I'd stumble because I'd succeeded and gone a decent distance. Who knew success would be just as scary, if not scarier, than failure?
Anyway we were walking our bikes back up to a certain starting point on the asphalt, when he dropped the zen attitude for a bit. He said that this could be where we'd teach our kids to ride bikes, in the same 3-step method he'd used on me. Then, we could go on family bike rides together, all of us and wouldn't that be wonderful?
Then I just bawled into his shoulder. If I had been able to hold in the tears, I would have just been in a sour mood the rest of the day. I just cried and cried and I was so mad at myself for letting a bike make me cry, and for letting Colin see me cry. I don't like being vulnerable, but I guess you have to be to be in love.
I am so looking forward to being a mother. To watch my kids grow up, and teach them to bake pies and ride bikes. They'll fall and cry and I'll hold them and ask them what's wrong and tell them how I didn't learn when I was 6 or 7, but when I was 17. Or maybe I'll just hold them until they're done. Like he did for me.
So I ignored my mother's insistence that I must get dressed and laid in bed, watching movies off of Netflix that I wouldn't have had the time to enjoy normally. I found a new favorite too. It's called "Love and Other Disasters" and it's a brilliant, quirky love story. Well it isn't A love story, it's more like four of them. This girl and all her friends in London. Like I said, brilliant.
At some point during "The Edge of Love" with Keira Knightley, I fell asleep. Woke up super tired to my mom asking me if I'd go on a bike ride in the park while she trained the dogs. She went on without me, While I spent too much time getting dressed.
They were right, it is quite a lot of fun to go bike-riding. I'll have to work at it, to be able to go any sort of distance whatsoever, but it will be worth it. I'm so very glad I learned, even if it was at the late age of 17 and under Colin's insistence.
I can hardly believe I cried over a bike when I was learning. I was so frustrated and angry at this piece of metal, and Colin wasn't helping very much by being all calm and zen and encouraging. It sounds like his demeanor would have helped keep me calmer, but at the time it just pissed me off.
It was around the point where I think he noticed that I hadn't said a word in 15 minutes (that's how you can tell when I get really angry, I'll glare, smile, and get really, really quiet) and wouldn't bring my eyes up from the handlebars. I kept going at it though, no matter how much I stumbled, I kept getting back on it. Sometimes I'd stumble because I'd succeeded and gone a decent distance. Who knew success would be just as scary, if not scarier, than failure?
Anyway we were walking our bikes back up to a certain starting point on the asphalt, when he dropped the zen attitude for a bit. He said that this could be where we'd teach our kids to ride bikes, in the same 3-step method he'd used on me. Then, we could go on family bike rides together, all of us and wouldn't that be wonderful?
Then I just bawled into his shoulder. If I had been able to hold in the tears, I would have just been in a sour mood the rest of the day. I just cried and cried and I was so mad at myself for letting a bike make me cry, and for letting Colin see me cry. I don't like being vulnerable, but I guess you have to be to be in love.
I am so looking forward to being a mother. To watch my kids grow up, and teach them to bake pies and ride bikes. They'll fall and cry and I'll hold them and ask them what's wrong and tell them how I didn't learn when I was 6 or 7, but when I was 17. Or maybe I'll just hold them until they're done. Like he did for me.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
1st Camping Trip Ever
I got home today from the best 72 hours of my life, and I got to spend all of it with my wonderful boyfriend.
I've never been camping before. My parents went camping when they were younger but they're not real outdoors-ey types so my sister, Sarah, and I have never been camping. We never even pitched tents in our backyard, because we don't own any tents.
So Colin, who has grown up going to kids' camps and outdoor school because he lives in artsy, crazy, crafty SE Portland and went to hippie school, decided to take me to the SRVIV'D campout.
A friend of the family's, Peaceman, got into an accident ten years ago. He was horribly injured and came very, very close to knocking on Death's door. Thankfully, he survived. That's why he holds this huge campout and invites all sorts of family and friends and friends of friends to his little patch of forest every year. To simply celebrate life and have a good time.
So I got to go to the 10th anniversary of the SRVIV'D Campout, or as dad put it, "a happening." I had a great time. There was a stage and sound equipment set up so live music was playing most of the time and you could hear it from all around. On Saturday, there were carnival games where you could win SRVIV'D dollars and go and buy stuff from the "store," which was a really cool gathering of prizes that Paula and her husband, Peaceman (also know as Christopher), had set up in their office. There was stuff ranging from beanie babies, to Elaine's truffles, to sports jerseys, to liquor. It was great. Colin and I went round all the different games for a while and saved up enough dollars to get some orange truffles that his dad's girlfriend, Elaine, made.
After we were done throwing baseballs at bottles full of sand, or trying to toss a pool noodle through a hula hoop on a zipline or dunking Elaine in the dunk tank, there was a huge potluck. Everyone brought food and I had gathered up much more than I could have eaten. I gave my leftovers to Colin's dad, Jason, who was too lazy to get up and get a plate of his own.
Colin, Jason, Elaine and I were planning on going to Salmon River at midnight for some swimming but after dinner we quickly realized that it would be much more fun to do it when it was still warm out and we had full bellies. So off we hiked.
Colin and I had tried and failed to find the river before because Elaine's instructions of "It'll take 30 minutes. Just follow the main road, then there will be a trail, then just follow the signs." were completely untrue. There was one sign the entire way and it took closer to 50 minutes. Still, swimming in a cold river on a hot day when there are no showers to be had is pretty wonderful.
After we got back there was music and Colin made me dance. We roasted a single marshmallow each and listened to more awesome music, this time more freestyle. This guy Will sang for about 30 minutes straight about how Jason's balls are shrivelly little raisins and how he wants to be "best friends" with Jason.
It was a great weekend. And of course, I had the pleasure of waking up wrapped in my boyfriend's arms.
I've never been camping before. My parents went camping when they were younger but they're not real outdoors-ey types so my sister, Sarah, and I have never been camping. We never even pitched tents in our backyard, because we don't own any tents.
So Colin, who has grown up going to kids' camps and outdoor school because he lives in artsy, crazy, crafty SE Portland and went to hippie school, decided to take me to the SRVIV'D campout.
A friend of the family's, Peaceman, got into an accident ten years ago. He was horribly injured and came very, very close to knocking on Death's door. Thankfully, he survived. That's why he holds this huge campout and invites all sorts of family and friends and friends of friends to his little patch of forest every year. To simply celebrate life and have a good time.
So I got to go to the 10th anniversary of the SRVIV'D Campout, or as dad put it, "a happening." I had a great time. There was a stage and sound equipment set up so live music was playing most of the time and you could hear it from all around. On Saturday, there were carnival games where you could win SRVIV'D dollars and go and buy stuff from the "store," which was a really cool gathering of prizes that Paula and her husband, Peaceman (also know as Christopher), had set up in their office. There was stuff ranging from beanie babies, to Elaine's truffles, to sports jerseys, to liquor. It was great. Colin and I went round all the different games for a while and saved up enough dollars to get some orange truffles that his dad's girlfriend, Elaine, made.
After we were done throwing baseballs at bottles full of sand, or trying to toss a pool noodle through a hula hoop on a zipline or dunking Elaine in the dunk tank, there was a huge potluck. Everyone brought food and I had gathered up much more than I could have eaten. I gave my leftovers to Colin's dad, Jason, who was too lazy to get up and get a plate of his own.
Colin, Jason, Elaine and I were planning on going to Salmon River at midnight for some swimming but after dinner we quickly realized that it would be much more fun to do it when it was still warm out and we had full bellies. So off we hiked.
Colin and I had tried and failed to find the river before because Elaine's instructions of "It'll take 30 minutes. Just follow the main road, then there will be a trail, then just follow the signs." were completely untrue. There was one sign the entire way and it took closer to 50 minutes. Still, swimming in a cold river on a hot day when there are no showers to be had is pretty wonderful.
After we got back there was music and Colin made me dance. We roasted a single marshmallow each and listened to more awesome music, this time more freestyle. This guy Will sang for about 30 minutes straight about how Jason's balls are shrivelly little raisins and how he wants to be "best friends" with Jason.
It was a great weekend. And of course, I had the pleasure of waking up wrapped in my boyfriend's arms.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The Iminent Dangers
I'm in a very melancholy mood. As of late, I've realized how close I am to being an adult, and I'm not cool with it.
Last summer I threw myself at my friends. I had lost one of them, and I refused to think about it, instead trying to fill up all of my time.
I had a great summer. I hardly remember all the stuff we did. There were a lot of Hawthorne trips and going to malls.
This year, I want it to be awesome. As I watched my boyfriend go off to dog-sit while I waited for my dad alone on the pavement, who was an hour late in picking me up, I realized that this could be my summer. Colin has his responsibilities, I am not mad at him for leaving me to wait alone. But my other friends will have responsibilities too. They're all trying to apply to college and get jobs and live lives. Emma already will be working monday through friday. At first I didn't envy her. She had to go and be all grown up and dissect rats in a lab from 9-5 everyday while I still had time to be a kid.
I don't have time to be a kid. At least, I don't have anyone to be a kid with. Everyone is growing up, and I better grow up too or I'll be left behind. I'm already afraid I'll spend my summer sitting on my bed because all my friends are at work or school.
I don't like it.
Last summer I threw myself at my friends. I had lost one of them, and I refused to think about it, instead trying to fill up all of my time.
I had a great summer. I hardly remember all the stuff we did. There were a lot of Hawthorne trips and going to malls.
This year, I want it to be awesome. As I watched my boyfriend go off to dog-sit while I waited for my dad alone on the pavement, who was an hour late in picking me up, I realized that this could be my summer. Colin has his responsibilities, I am not mad at him for leaving me to wait alone. But my other friends will have responsibilities too. They're all trying to apply to college and get jobs and live lives. Emma already will be working monday through friday. At first I didn't envy her. She had to go and be all grown up and dissect rats in a lab from 9-5 everyday while I still had time to be a kid.
I don't have time to be a kid. At least, I don't have anyone to be a kid with. Everyone is growing up, and I better grow up too or I'll be left behind. I'm already afraid I'll spend my summer sitting on my bed because all my friends are at work or school.
I don't like it.
Monday, May 24, 2010
A Thought On Influence
This was actually written March 3rd. I found it on my thumbdrive and liked it, so I decided to post it.
I'm going to see “Into The Woods” on Thursday. I can't help but remember Century's performance, and assume this one will be the same. It only just occurred to me that Cleveland is an entirely different school, with an entirely different stage, auditorium and people.
So Century's astounding performance will affect my review of Cleveland's. But can I help it? Can we help but be influenced constantly? Things happen, you experience daily life, and it changes you. Every minute we are changing because a minute before you weren't talking, you didn't see that poster, you were happier, you didn't take that latest breath. We are creatures of constant change. The question I pose is, can we help it?
Physically, we cannot. Our bodies act on their own accord, and it keeps us alive. Your diaphragm flexes, your lungs inhale, your hair grows, your cells die your heart beats your eyes blink and all of this is done to keep you alive. How does it feel to know that millions, possibly trillions, of cells have been created and cast off to die simply to keep you alive? This is out of our control. You always change, and grow, in life and death. Do our bodies not rot into dust when our minds have abandoned them? Our flesh deteriorates and we have no control over it.
But do we have control over the mind? The mind, surely, changes just as much as the body, for it is encased in flesh and you cannot have one live without the other. But are we able to consciously control that change after it reaches a certain point? When we are children, our mind is changing much quicker, our nerves are new, and quick to make the electrical connections and solidify memory in order to help us learn. I would not like to have an infant's miniature mind, unless I was able to remember the experience, of which their brain is incapable. Their bodies grow and with it the fleshy prison called the brain. It grows and makes more room for the mind to expand. There are odd connections between our brains and the world. Colors affect our moods, posters influence our choices, music creates emotions, and most of the time we aren't even aware of it. Can we help but be affected by this constantly, when we don't know we're being affected? We don't know we're being altered, ever so slightly, every second of every day, and that those alterations change us. Can we freeze our experiences in time, so as not to ever experience another one? Would that be such an awful fate?
To some, it would. To always be the same, and never see anything new, to never have another new thought, to never have another epiphany. To never change is to never learn. To never grow. But some are afraid of that change, and would pay any price in order to not. So deathly afraid that change isn't better so they would rather live monotonously in life over and over.
We cannot keep from changing. We cannot control it, or stop it, because most of the time we spend changing we aren't aware of it. That is how we cope. Those of us who hate changing, or being controlled, do not realize all the factors that are controlling them, and they don't realize how helpless they are in controlling it. If it does not occur to you, you will not be bothered by it for thought is the beginning of everything.
So there you go. An interesting idea I had a couple of months ago.
I'm going to see “Into The Woods” on Thursday. I can't help but remember Century's performance, and assume this one will be the same. It only just occurred to me that Cleveland is an entirely different school, with an entirely different stage, auditorium and people.
So Century's astounding performance will affect my review of Cleveland's. But can I help it? Can we help but be influenced constantly? Things happen, you experience daily life, and it changes you. Every minute we are changing because a minute before you weren't talking, you didn't see that poster, you were happier, you didn't take that latest breath. We are creatures of constant change. The question I pose is, can we help it?
Physically, we cannot. Our bodies act on their own accord, and it keeps us alive. Your diaphragm flexes, your lungs inhale, your hair grows, your cells die your heart beats your eyes blink and all of this is done to keep you alive. How does it feel to know that millions, possibly trillions, of cells have been created and cast off to die simply to keep you alive? This is out of our control. You always change, and grow, in life and death. Do our bodies not rot into dust when our minds have abandoned them? Our flesh deteriorates and we have no control over it.
But do we have control over the mind? The mind, surely, changes just as much as the body, for it is encased in flesh and you cannot have one live without the other. But are we able to consciously control that change after it reaches a certain point? When we are children, our mind is changing much quicker, our nerves are new, and quick to make the electrical connections and solidify memory in order to help us learn. I would not like to have an infant's miniature mind, unless I was able to remember the experience, of which their brain is incapable. Their bodies grow and with it the fleshy prison called the brain. It grows and makes more room for the mind to expand. There are odd connections between our brains and the world. Colors affect our moods, posters influence our choices, music creates emotions, and most of the time we aren't even aware of it. Can we help but be affected by this constantly, when we don't know we're being affected? We don't know we're being altered, ever so slightly, every second of every day, and that those alterations change us. Can we freeze our experiences in time, so as not to ever experience another one? Would that be such an awful fate?
To some, it would. To always be the same, and never see anything new, to never have another new thought, to never have another epiphany. To never change is to never learn. To never grow. But some are afraid of that change, and would pay any price in order to not. So deathly afraid that change isn't better so they would rather live monotonously in life over and over.
We cannot keep from changing. We cannot control it, or stop it, because most of the time we spend changing we aren't aware of it. That is how we cope. Those of us who hate changing, or being controlled, do not realize all the factors that are controlling them, and they don't realize how helpless they are in controlling it. If it does not occur to you, you will not be bothered by it for thought is the beginning of everything.
So there you go. An interesting idea I had a couple of months ago.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A Confession of True Love From Buttercup
"I love you," Buttercup said. "I know this must come as something of a surprise, since all I've ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn't matter." Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. "I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that i can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley--I've never called you that before, have I?--Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,--darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love." And with that, she dared the bravest thing she'd ever done: she looked right into his eyes.
Buttercup's Confession Page 52-53 The Princess Bride
The Packrat's Paradise
Scrap is my new favorite place in the world. Dezzi and I went there together a while ago and I just now opened up our bags of stuff because the play I'm in has kept me super busy.
I got these two great big fabric swatch books for things like upholstery. One of them I'm going to take the pieces and cut them into squares and make a scarf, but i don't know what I'm doing with the other one yet. I also got this really long zipper, that I'm going to make into a rose, and I got a bunch of photos and art gallery postcards. Dezzi got some cards as well and these two big empty book covers that she's going to make into boxes.
So we got these two bags just crammed with stuff (mostly crammed just because the swatch books and book covers were so big) and the entire bill came to $5.45
Scrap is so cheap. It's a thrift store for crafters. A packrat's paradise (whether you're collecting or trying to get rid of). They have all sorts of "junk" that they get donated and sell super cheap. And I mean SUPER cheap. An entire inch of unused scrapbooking paper (that's probably more than 100 sheets) is just 10¢. Everything you can think of, they have. Scraps of fabric, wood, frames, photos, paper, cardboard, string, things that you don't even know what they were originally used for, but look really cool anyway.
Go buy stuff and support Scrap. It's awesome.
I got these two great big fabric swatch books for things like upholstery. One of them I'm going to take the pieces and cut them into squares and make a scarf, but i don't know what I'm doing with the other one yet. I also got this really long zipper, that I'm going to make into a rose, and I got a bunch of photos and art gallery postcards. Dezzi got some cards as well and these two big empty book covers that she's going to make into boxes.
So we got these two bags just crammed with stuff (mostly crammed just because the swatch books and book covers were so big) and the entire bill came to $5.45
Scrap is so cheap. It's a thrift store for crafters. A packrat's paradise (whether you're collecting or trying to get rid of). They have all sorts of "junk" that they get donated and sell super cheap. And I mean SUPER cheap. An entire inch of unused scrapbooking paper (that's probably more than 100 sheets) is just 10¢. Everything you can think of, they have. Scraps of fabric, wood, frames, photos, paper, cardboard, string, things that you don't even know what they were originally used for, but look really cool anyway.
Go buy stuff and support Scrap. It's awesome.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Stresses of the 2010 Day of Silence
Today was Day of Silence.
For those of you who don't know, Day of Silence is a nationally recognized holiday that is a protest (of sorts) against discrimination and bullying of the LGBT community. The silence represents those who can't speak out and say that they are gay, because of fear.
I had a surprising amount of trouble this past week, trying to decide whether or not to participate. It isn't as if I wasn't sure if I liked the cause; of course I'm going to support any sort of protest against bullying or discrimination. But I didn't know what I would be doing by staying silent for the day.
I've been participating in Day of Silence for the last 3 years, since 8th grade, which was when I first found out about it. I guess part of the reason I hesitated this year was I wondered what are we really doing by staying silent? Just showing our support? Well, everyone already knows how supportive I am. I help run the GSA at my school. I advertise any sort of human rights rally that's going on. So if everyone already knows I'm supportive, what am I doing being silent?
So I was on the fence about the whole thing. I think a lot of it is I've been inspired to change the world and inspire others so much recently and I've been doing so much GSA stuff lately that I'm kind of "GSA-ed out," as Steeley put it. And I feel like being silent isn't enough. Sure, you show your support but in our school, most of the kids were silent and it was really cool to see how quiet the hallways and the cafeteria were. But is that all we can do? Show our support? I feel like we should be out there, holding protests and blocking the doors to congress and getting arrested for doing what's right. Like the hippies did in the good ol' 60s.
That's the version that makes me sound like a good person. Although still true, it really wasn't the main reason I was having such trouble deciding what my actions for today were going to be and it's definitely not why I was racking myself with guilt. The bottom line is, I wanted to be lazy. I found that I was asking myself "Do I have to be silent? Do I have to put in that effort?"
I felt like a horrible person because it was starting to sound like I was too lazy to fight for what I believed in. But there really wasn't much of a fight so it should be that much easier, right? Apparently not.
Yesterday I decided I was going to be silent because it was easier than feeling bad about talking when all my friends would be silent. This morning I wasn't sure any more. As I got ready for school (in rainbow colors. If I want to talk, I might as well show my support by wearing rainbow), I went over and over in my head why I should or shouldn't speak today. If I wanted to talk, why shouldn't I? Why should I do what all my friends are doing? On the opposite side it was expected of me to be silent today. I should support the causes I believe in, right?
So I was all stressed and guilty and unsure of what to do as I left the house for school. I got on the bus and saw Emma wave to me. I sat down next to her, and instantly knew what I wanted to do. I don't know if it was me, or Emma's influence or what but I suddenly knew what I wanted to do today as I helped her put duct tape in an 'X' across her mouth.
I was silent all day. I didn't slip up once.
For those of you who don't know, Day of Silence is a nationally recognized holiday that is a protest (of sorts) against discrimination and bullying of the LGBT community. The silence represents those who can't speak out and say that they are gay, because of fear.
I had a surprising amount of trouble this past week, trying to decide whether or not to participate. It isn't as if I wasn't sure if I liked the cause; of course I'm going to support any sort of protest against bullying or discrimination. But I didn't know what I would be doing by staying silent for the day.
I've been participating in Day of Silence for the last 3 years, since 8th grade, which was when I first found out about it. I guess part of the reason I hesitated this year was I wondered what are we really doing by staying silent? Just showing our support? Well, everyone already knows how supportive I am. I help run the GSA at my school. I advertise any sort of human rights rally that's going on. So if everyone already knows I'm supportive, what am I doing being silent?
So I was on the fence about the whole thing. I think a lot of it is I've been inspired to change the world and inspire others so much recently and I've been doing so much GSA stuff lately that I'm kind of "GSA-ed out," as Steeley put it. And I feel like being silent isn't enough. Sure, you show your support but in our school, most of the kids were silent and it was really cool to see how quiet the hallways and the cafeteria were. But is that all we can do? Show our support? I feel like we should be out there, holding protests and blocking the doors to congress and getting arrested for doing what's right. Like the hippies did in the good ol' 60s.
That's the version that makes me sound like a good person. Although still true, it really wasn't the main reason I was having such trouble deciding what my actions for today were going to be and it's definitely not why I was racking myself with guilt. The bottom line is, I wanted to be lazy. I found that I was asking myself "Do I have to be silent? Do I have to put in that effort?"
I felt like a horrible person because it was starting to sound like I was too lazy to fight for what I believed in. But there really wasn't much of a fight so it should be that much easier, right? Apparently not.
Yesterday I decided I was going to be silent because it was easier than feeling bad about talking when all my friends would be silent. This morning I wasn't sure any more. As I got ready for school (in rainbow colors. If I want to talk, I might as well show my support by wearing rainbow), I went over and over in my head why I should or shouldn't speak today. If I wanted to talk, why shouldn't I? Why should I do what all my friends are doing? On the opposite side it was expected of me to be silent today. I should support the causes I believe in, right?
So I was all stressed and guilty and unsure of what to do as I left the house for school. I got on the bus and saw Emma wave to me. I sat down next to her, and instantly knew what I wanted to do. I don't know if it was me, or Emma's influence or what but I suddenly knew what I wanted to do today as I helped her put duct tape in an 'X' across her mouth.
I was silent all day. I didn't slip up once.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
My Perfect Little Nerd
I love my boyfriend. He makes me so very happy. I mean, how many people do you know are going to lie to you through their teeth, talk to your friends behind your back, and misuse your trust so they can surprise you the next day by being at your house before you get home from school?
He did that before we took the photo you see above. He lost practically all of his dignity and he was excited to do it. He was proud to put on a bra and dress for me, so we could take pictures together. He was ecstatic and couldn't wait until they were on facebook, so he could show his friends and family how cute we were. I mean, how sweet is that?
I literally cannot be sad when he's in my head. I had a math test today, one that I was in no way prepared for. While I racked my brain for the formula used to find the missing side of a vector, my mind wandered a little. I was wondering what my dear sweet boyfriend was doing, and if he was in precalc at that time, suffering as I was. I realized the oddest thing. My lips were spread out more and my cheeks had contracted. I was smiling where seconds before my life was abysmal. That's what he does to me, he makes me smile.
This last weekend we were walking on his side of town, in SE Portland, and we saw the oddest tree. It was absolutely covered in colorful strands of yarn. Whoever had done it had thrown spools of the stuff up in the air, over the branches, ran around the tree, letting it unravel and cover the trunk. It was crazy. I couldn't think of any explanation for it and I was so curious as to why anyone would do such a thing. So he gave me an explanation. He told me that the people in the house behind the tree were "chosen ones." They had to make a sacrifice to the gnome that ruled over Ladd's Addition (the neighborhood we were in at the time). The sacrifices weren't anything like ritualistic killings of goats or cats or anything like that. They were decorations. Every question I asked after that, he had an answer for, no matter how ridiculous or sensible. "what's the gnome's name?" "Ladd, of course." "Does he realize how small Ladd's Addition is?" "Well gnomes are much smaller than people. He's about a fourth your size, so for every step you take, he has to take four. So Ladd's Addition is four times as big in his perspective." It went on and on and I kept expecting him to laugh at me and say that's enough and we'd go home. But he didn't. He kept it all up, even when I took us totally off of our path to hunt for the gnome briefly. He even let me talk to a cat to find out that Ladd was on vacation. It was great. We're going gnome-hunting this summer.
I love my boyfriend. He's my sweet, confident, ridiculous, trustworthy, silly, encouraging, sexy, amazing, pretty, perfect, indescribable, little, Nerd. Everyone should have one.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Inspire Me (In Both Deep & Not-So-Deep Ways)
So it all started last weekend at Beaverton's Annual GSA Retreat. It was held conveniently at my school. We had a bunch of food, not enough people, and some really cool speakers. Although all of them were awesome, one of them really hit home with me, and her name was Nicole. She was transgendered.
Like all the other speakers, she simply told her story. She talked about growing up in a small town, raised by a Catholic family, and how she has 11 brothers and sisters. She talked about growing up envying the girls for being able to wear adorable dresses when she couldn't. She talked about always trying to hide her weird self. She grew up, met a wonderful woman in college, got married and had kids. This weird part of her never went away and she would still have to duck into the bathroom every now and then for some time in a skirt. One day her eldest son found some certain pictures of her times in bathrooms on a computer they had. He cried, showed his mother, she cried, got his father [Nicole], and they talked about it. They told him it was all going to be okay. And it was for awhile. Her wife knew and was okay with it. And her son too. It took some tears and getting used to, but they didn't disown her or anything. The problem with her wife was, she gave her blessing, but she didn't want to see it. Well one day she convinced her wife to come upstairs and see her in a dress. They were both so scared. The first thing her wife said? "You're beautiful." Just like that. I almost cried because it was so perfect. It was the last thing she expected but the thing she would wanted to most hear and it was just so perfect. My boyfriend does that sometimes and I want to just die with happiness because he is so perfect.
That wasn't the only time I wanted to cry, either. Further in her story she was going out with some friends of hers all dressed up and she gets a call from her wife. She says this: "I'm telling the kids today. We have to separate." It was so heartbreaking because they seemed so in love. They were so in love. She goes on to tell her story about how she came out at work all dressed up and the ordeals of that. She was so amazing, and so brave. I wish you would all go meet her.
The next inspirational speaker I met was at the 2010 Nike Youth Forum (otherwise known informally as Nike Day) this last Thursday. His name was Kevin Carroll and he too, simply told his story. His entire job is just going around, telling his story and inspiring people. He kept talking about this little red rubber ball that he played with and chased and that was his passion. The Red Rubber Ball quickly became a metaphor for your passion, and he kept preaching to chase it. He's written books on Red Rubber Balls, and he gave one to each of us, and some of us were lucky enough to get actual Red Rubber Balls that he also gave out. Mine is on my bookshelf. Kevin does some amazing work as a speaker. http://kevincarrollkatalyst.com/
The other inspiration I wanted to talk about was just all the sites I visited today from one little link that my sister emailed me. Ruffles and Stuff ( http://www.rufflesandstuff.com/ ) is just this girl who likes ruffles and likes sewing and created a blog out of her creations and even has some kickass tutorials. From there, I saw countless ideas from her and others that I fell in love with.
Like the Love Note Journal
http://ryleehitchner.blogspot.com/2010/02/bits-of-my-handmade-present.html
Or this girl who used fishnets in a classy necklace
http://getcraftin.blogspot.com/2010/02/stockings-and-pearls-equals-fabulous.html
A really quirky button bouquet
http://artisticcreationswithtrudy.blogspot.com/2010/01/button-flower-bouquets.html
A flowery Bracelet
http://therubberpunkin.blogspot.com/2009/12/fabric-flower-bracelet.html
I am always losing my pencils
http://noodleheads.blogspot.com/2009/12/tutorial-zakka-inspired-pencil-pouch.html
An Adorable shirt
http://tearosehome.blogspot.com/2009/10/t-shirt-makeover-and-more.html
Go write with a crayon. You forgot how much you missed them.
http://www.oopsicraftmypants.net/2009/12/shaped-crayons.html
But do you see? There are so many amazing people out there with such fantastical ideas! They're everywhere and we never really see them until we hear them tell their story, or post a cool link, or share their project. People are so intuitively creative and original, it's amazing.
Like all the other speakers, she simply told her story. She talked about growing up in a small town, raised by a Catholic family, and how she has 11 brothers and sisters. She talked about growing up envying the girls for being able to wear adorable dresses when she couldn't. She talked about always trying to hide her weird self. She grew up, met a wonderful woman in college, got married and had kids. This weird part of her never went away and she would still have to duck into the bathroom every now and then for some time in a skirt. One day her eldest son found some certain pictures of her times in bathrooms on a computer they had. He cried, showed his mother, she cried, got his father [Nicole], and they talked about it. They told him it was all going to be okay. And it was for awhile. Her wife knew and was okay with it. And her son too. It took some tears and getting used to, but they didn't disown her or anything. The problem with her wife was, she gave her blessing, but she didn't want to see it. Well one day she convinced her wife to come upstairs and see her in a dress. They were both so scared. The first thing her wife said? "You're beautiful." Just like that. I almost cried because it was so perfect. It was the last thing she expected but the thing she would wanted to most hear and it was just so perfect. My boyfriend does that sometimes and I want to just die with happiness because he is so perfect.
That wasn't the only time I wanted to cry, either. Further in her story she was going out with some friends of hers all dressed up and she gets a call from her wife. She says this: "I'm telling the kids today. We have to separate." It was so heartbreaking because they seemed so in love. They were so in love. She goes on to tell her story about how she came out at work all dressed up and the ordeals of that. She was so amazing, and so brave. I wish you would all go meet her.
The next inspirational speaker I met was at the 2010 Nike Youth Forum (otherwise known informally as Nike Day) this last Thursday. His name was Kevin Carroll and he too, simply told his story. His entire job is just going around, telling his story and inspiring people. He kept talking about this little red rubber ball that he played with and chased and that was his passion. The Red Rubber Ball quickly became a metaphor for your passion, and he kept preaching to chase it. He's written books on Red Rubber Balls, and he gave one to each of us, and some of us were lucky enough to get actual Red Rubber Balls that he also gave out. Mine is on my bookshelf. Kevin does some amazing work as a speaker. http://kevincarrollkatalyst.com/
The other inspiration I wanted to talk about was just all the sites I visited today from one little link that my sister emailed me. Ruffles and Stuff ( http://www.rufflesandstuff.com/ ) is just this girl who likes ruffles and likes sewing and created a blog out of her creations and even has some kickass tutorials. From there, I saw countless ideas from her and others that I fell in love with.
Like the Love Note Journal
http://ryleehitchner.blogspot.com/2010/02/bits-of-my-handmade-present.html
Or this girl who used fishnets in a classy necklace
http://getcraftin.blogspot.com/2010/02/stockings-and-pearls-equals-fabulous.html
A really quirky button bouquet
http://artisticcreationswithtrudy.blogspot.com/2010/01/button-flower-bouquets.html
A flowery Bracelet
http://therubberpunkin.blogspot.com/2009/12/fabric-flower-bracelet.html
I am always losing my pencils
http://noodleheads.blogspot.com/2009/12/tutorial-zakka-inspired-pencil-pouch.html
An Adorable shirt
http://tearosehome.blogspot.com/2009/10/t-shirt-makeover-and-more.html
Go write with a crayon. You forgot how much you missed them.
http://www.oopsicraftmypants.net/2009/12/shaped-crayons.html
But do you see? There are so many amazing people out there with such fantastical ideas! They're everywhere and we never really see them until we hear them tell their story, or post a cool link, or share their project. People are so intuitively creative and original, it's amazing.
Labels:
create,
inspired,
people and why I love them,
speakers
Inspiration
So I've completely revamped this blog. I haven't posted to it in forever and I've tried making another one or another one I guess so I wouldn't have the past that's in this one, in my other ones. They were a fresh start. I could've deleted these, and had my 14-15 year old ramblings lost to the internet forever, but that definitely didn't feel right either.
On the other blogs I tried to be less whiney, or get more readers, or focus it more towards one specific thing. None of these worked.
And so I come back here, because wordpress was too hard to format, LJ was too social, and thousands of other reasons.
So I'm revamping the old blog for no new purpose other than to create. I have come to the conclusion (after jumping from link to link on other blogs for the past three hours) that I don't create enough. I've been incredibly inspired lately, and I should definitely not let it die off. I'll probably make a separate post for what specifically has inspired me, just so this one isn't too long.
I've missed this.
On the other blogs I tried to be less whiney, or get more readers, or focus it more towards one specific thing. None of these worked.
And so I come back here, because wordpress was too hard to format, LJ was too social, and thousands of other reasons.
So I'm revamping the old blog for no new purpose other than to create. I have come to the conclusion (after jumping from link to link on other blogs for the past three hours) that I don't create enough. I've been incredibly inspired lately, and I should definitely not let it die off. I'll probably make a separate post for what specifically has inspired me, just so this one isn't too long.
I've missed this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)