It's so interesting how my parents going through all my blog posts and using it as a frame of reference to my life has changed my trust. They don't trust ME. Well, I don't trust them!
I started this blog because my other ones had been hacked and (hopefully) a new one might make me actually post something. But no. I can't even use my favorite way of expressing my feelings (writing) with my favorite medium (typing) because I'm afraid my words will be used against me. I'm afraid everything I write here will be quoted and sent to my therapist.
It's so annoying.
Writing is my main outlet for expressing myself and it's so BRILLIANT to let your mind wander and type it out and just WRITE. It's a great way to get your thoughts and feelings organized.
But I can't do it anymore.
Because of my parents. They went though everything. They learned way too much about my life. They've made it so I can't trust my words, my expressions, my own mind. If it weren't for Andrew, I'd still be wondering if my parents were right and I'm crazy. I never post anymore because they've made me in some ways self-conscious. No one's ever used my words against me like that before. No one's taken my words, my thoughts, and ruined my life with them. That's why I'm so afraid now. I don't want it to get worse. I don't want it to happen again. I can't post things, I can't express myself because I'm too afraid that somebody will use it against me and I'll have ruined my own life by being myself again.
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