Hello Again

Today was a self-proclaimed "lazy day." The plan was to go to Safari Sam's with a group of people, but enough of them bailed that Sarah, Colin, and I decided to reschedule. I think I'm the only one that realizes that we probably won't have time in the two weeks before our carefree summer days are over and school begins.

So I ignored my mother's insistence that I must get dressed and laid in bed, watching movies off of Netflix that I wouldn't have had the time to enjoy normally. I found a new favorite too. It's called "Love and Other Disasters" and it's a brilliant, quirky love story. Well it isn't A love story, it's more like four of them. This girl and all her friends in London. Like I said, brilliant.

At some point during "The Edge of Love" with Keira Knightley, I fell asleep. Woke up super tired to my mom asking me if I'd go on a bike ride in the park while she trained the dogs. She went on without me, While I spent too much time getting dressed.

They were right, it is quite a lot of fun to go bike-riding. I'll have to work at it, to be able to go any sort of distance whatsoever, but it will be worth it. I'm so very glad I learned, even if it was at the late age of 17 and under Colin's insistence.

I can hardly believe I cried over a bike when I was learning. I was so frustrated and angry at this piece of metal, and Colin wasn't helping very much by being all calm and zen and encouraging. It sounds like his demeanor would have helped keep me calmer, but at the time it just pissed me off.

It was around the point where I think he noticed that I hadn't said a word in 15 minutes (that's how you can tell when I get really angry, I'll glare, smile, and get really, really quiet) and wouldn't bring my eyes up from the handlebars. I kept going at it though, no matter how much I stumbled, I kept getting back on it. Sometimes I'd stumble because I'd succeeded and gone a decent distance. Who knew success would be just as scary, if not scarier, than failure?

Anyway we were walking our bikes back up to a certain starting point on the asphalt, when he dropped the zen attitude for a bit. He said that this could be where we'd teach our kids to ride bikes, in the same 3-step method he'd used on me. Then, we could go on family bike rides together, all of us and wouldn't that be wonderful?

Then I just bawled into his shoulder. If I had been able to hold in the tears, I would have just been in a sour mood the rest of the day. I just cried and cried and I was so mad at myself for letting a bike make me cry, and for letting Colin see me cry. I don't like being vulnerable, but I guess you have to be to be in love.

I am so looking forward to being a mother. To watch my kids grow up, and teach them to bake pies and ride bikes. They'll fall and cry and I'll hold them and ask them what's wrong and tell them how I didn't learn when I was 6 or 7, but when I was 17. Or maybe I'll just hold them until they're done. Like he did for me.